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A Porch Over

Church Lady is nutty. Church Lady lives next door to me. She has five teenagers, six cats and now two dogs.
Church Lady has a garden. I am pretty sure it is all weeds. I am pretty sure of this because none of the stringy green things growing in there is pretty.
She cuts, trims and rolls her lawn as if she has prize-winning flowers to show off, though. Like Better Homes and Gardens might be arriving at any moment for a photo shoot.
I guess Church Lady thinks all those carpets hanging over her porch railing give her home an added touch of warmth.
I think she is secretly jealous of her own Porch Over.
The Anderson's have gigantic sunflowers in their front yard, that are almost as tall as the house.
A big yellow bloom disappears from Mr. Anderson's garden a few times a week.
Church Lady's weeds have only grown halfway up her house.

Sometimes I like to sit out on my porch at night. If I am out around 10 p.m. it will not be too much longer before Church Lady comes outside in her blue dresses.
She will grab her outdoor water hose.
She will water the weeds.
Then she will water her grass.

One night, last month, I was sitting on my porch while Church Lady was watering her grass.
She sprayed three ten year old spanish boys walking by on the sidewalk.
They jumped, looked at each other and began walking faster. Their mouths clamped shut.
I laughed at them.

Every night when Church Lady is done watering her lawn, she will water her driveway like some people do.
When she is done watering her driveway, she will water the road.
I do not mean just to push the leaves down the gutters. She actually waters the road.
Only in front of her home and all the way over to the curb on the other side.


jakethelad said…
You know, they do that in Aussie as well. Some well meaning gardeners water everything. How have you been Q?
Juner said…
I love hearing about church lady! In my first house, my husband and I used to marvel at this portugese lady across the street who scrubbed her garage floor on her hands and knees with a scrub brush each and every friday afternoon.
Inanna said…
My neighbor does that too. And she's a Church Lady but a young Church Lady. She has 3 kids. And a dog.
Queenie said…
Give her a few more years....

Mama said…
I love the Church Lady!! LOL
Or maybe just your description of her?? ;)

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