The First Night
I just stood there.
And I thought fuck to myself. My roommate, who was responsible for breaking the handle on the toilet, had just left for a few days vacation.
The toilet had stopped running the other two times it had over-flowed pass the brim after three seconds this week. Oh. But not this time. Nope. This time the water just kept spilling on out.
And the taxi was going to be in my driveway in 8 minutes to pick me up and take me to the airport.
The water was almost to the bathroom door before I did anything.
Which was to try to dry the floor first with a big towel. And a little towel.
So, when I had to hike up my jeans to avoid getting them wet, I thought maybe I should stop the water.
I did go for my plunger first.
But it is not what stopped the water. But I did stop the water.
I also used almost every clean sheet in the hallway closet on the bathroom floor because the taxi cab driver was then in my driveway.
That is when The Voice laughed at me.
Eat shit, I muttered when I walked out the door.
The Four Days After My Company Fixed My Toilet
I live in Canada. My Company does not. My Company lives almost daily in warmth. And has mostly done so for 26 years.
The furnace suddenly seemed awfully loud to me. It almost sounded like it was going to take off and come through the bathroom floor. Which would have really ruined my toilet. And the house would have gotten really cold.
I worried about this and I stayed worried listening to the furnace until the next day when it suddenly seemed to sound back to normal.
When My Company was in the shower, I told The Voice to fuck off.
My company was real kind. Until he lost his cigarettes.
We looked for them. Even under my couch.
We thought of a few ways they might have gotten lost.
I said they'd turn up.
But I lied.
I knew The Voice was up to no good.
Some Gnats decided to have sex in my sink. There were no dishes in the sink when they decided this.
It made me wonder what was stuck in my drain.
But I think My Company thought it was fun to sneak up on them in the dark and suddenly drown them with tap water.
I am sure even The Voice appreciated My Company's genius.
Warm coffee is nice on cold days.
So, the microwave just stopped working when My Company wanted to reheat cold coffee.
Seems the Landlord will have to come out to put in a new plug.
Which I can do it by myself if I want to.
Even The Voice knows that.
We found a copy of my second favorite film of all time at The Flea Market.
When we decided to watch the movie, an Annoying Fly kept landing on My Company. I watched My Company swat at the Annoying Fly. A lot.
That Annoying Fly would get away every time, too.
That was pretty Annoying for My Company.
I walked in my door this afternoon. The house was quiet. I had some time to kill before my kids and the roommate would be home. So, I sat on my couch and thought about things.
Then I decided I would like to hear some Matchbox 20. I walked over to my PC and stopped to look at the picture now sitting on the top shelf of my desk.
Frank does a pretty good Annoying Fly, said The Voice, suddenly.
Dammit, I thought. I should have known.
And since I should have known, I ignored The Voice and turned up Matchbox 20 real loud.
I just stood there.
And I thought fuck to myself. My roommate, who was responsible for breaking the handle on the toilet, had just left for a few days vacation.
The toilet had stopped running the other two times it had over-flowed pass the brim after three seconds this week. Oh. But not this time. Nope. This time the water just kept spilling on out.
And the taxi was going to be in my driveway in 8 minutes to pick me up and take me to the airport.
The water was almost to the bathroom door before I did anything.
Which was to try to dry the floor first with a big towel. And a little towel.
So, when I had to hike up my jeans to avoid getting them wet, I thought maybe I should stop the water.
I did go for my plunger first.
But it is not what stopped the water. But I did stop the water.
I also used almost every clean sheet in the hallway closet on the bathroom floor because the taxi cab driver was then in my driveway.
That is when The Voice laughed at me.
Eat shit, I muttered when I walked out the door.
The Four Days After My Company Fixed My Toilet
I live in Canada. My Company does not. My Company lives almost daily in warmth. And has mostly done so for 26 years.
The furnace suddenly seemed awfully loud to me. It almost sounded like it was going to take off and come through the bathroom floor. Which would have really ruined my toilet. And the house would have gotten really cold.
I worried about this and I stayed worried listening to the furnace until the next day when it suddenly seemed to sound back to normal.
When My Company was in the shower, I told The Voice to fuck off.
My company was real kind. Until he lost his cigarettes.
We looked for them. Even under my couch.
We thought of a few ways they might have gotten lost.
I said they'd turn up.
But I lied.
I knew The Voice was up to no good.
Some Gnats decided to have sex in my sink. There were no dishes in the sink when they decided this.
It made me wonder what was stuck in my drain.
But I think My Company thought it was fun to sneak up on them in the dark and suddenly drown them with tap water.
I am sure even The Voice appreciated My Company's genius.
Warm coffee is nice on cold days.
So, the microwave just stopped working when My Company wanted to reheat cold coffee.
Seems the Landlord will have to come out to put in a new plug.
Which I can do it by myself if I want to.
Even The Voice knows that.
We found a copy of my second favorite film of all time at The Flea Market.
When we decided to watch the movie, an Annoying Fly kept landing on My Company. I watched My Company swat at the Annoying Fly. A lot.
That Annoying Fly would get away every time, too.
That was pretty Annoying for My Company.
I walked in my door this afternoon. The house was quiet. I had some time to kill before my kids and the roommate would be home. So, I sat on my couch and thought about things.
Then I decided I would like to hear some Matchbox 20. I walked over to my PC and stopped to look at the picture now sitting on the top shelf of my desk.
Frank does a pretty good Annoying Fly, said The Voice, suddenly.
Dammit, I thought. I should have known.
And since I should have known, I ignored The Voice and turned up Matchbox 20 real loud.
Comments
And for some reason, I find myself thinking of that song, "One whiskey, One scotch... and one Beer..."
Q