Wal-Mart makes me smile. There really is something I want in every aisle. I never leave without buying myself something. My favorite shampoo, I can only find there.
So, without a doubt, when Jean asked yesterday if I would like to go with her to the most fabulous store in the world, I agreed. Even if I had to bring the two kids in tow.
Jean is a shopaholic. Jean gets everything she wants. Jean knows where the deals are. Jean is patient. Jean has a sixth sense.
And I love Wal-Mart. I match her wits there.
My son also needed a new pair of running shoes, his last suddenly passed worn. I had been forcing him to wear sandals for a week.
Wal-Mart is great for shoes.
And these do not have to be great shoes, to boot. School starts back up in a month.
But Someone smiles on me, because there is a SHOE SALE!!
And I get to thinking, my daughter needs a new pair of cute sneakers, too. She is a girl, afterall. I tell the kids to have a look around. Mostly so I can, too.
Even though I am not buying myself any shoes today.
I see the most darling shoes cheap, cheap, cheap, almost right away. I grin at my will-power to walk away.
I meet up with my daughter in an aisle over. We point at the same shoes at the same time and giggle. She picks them up.
But my son? That boy can be no fun. He smiles cute as he tries on every single pair of shoes in the store, do not get me wrong. But the longer we stay in the area of this SHOE SALE, I cannot get those cute little brown shoes three rows over out of my head.
I decide to appease my guilt for not buying them by going to look at them again.
"Try on a few more pairs, buddy," I say to my son.
"I will help him," says my daughter.
"Fantastic."
I cannot resist picking up the shoes this time. They are really cute.
Do not buy these shoes, Beth, says The Voice.
O.K., I won't.
Put them down.
They sure feel nice.
Do not!!
I put on a shoe.
Hmmm.
Do not buy the shoes, Beth, says The Voice.
I bought the shoes.
We are 50 feet away from Wal-Mart. And I am on the ground. No warning. I was Tripped. And one cannot sue The Voice. The Voice thinks it is funny. In the Grand Scheme Of Things, The Voice is right.
I sprained my ankle.
It is late last night when I take a bath. I need one. Spraining an ankle is hard work.
I come out and see my new pair of offending shoes.
They are still so cute!
I am naked and I put them on. Squeezing a swollen foot in, anyway. It will make me feel better to get on with life.
I grab a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and drink from it, bringing it over to my computer desk. I sit down.
I admire my new shoes. I really like them. And I have never sprained an ankle before. A totally new experience. This has not been that bad of a day. I have to pee. I prance down the hallway in my new shoes.
I guess The Voice thought I was making fun of him, turning his joke into one I could laugh at.
Which is probably why when I opened the bathroom door, it caught as I stepped forward and I received a bloody nose.
So, I decided to put on a T-shirt.
But the shoes stayed.
Even when I noticed quite suddenly, the shoes looked a little bit like bowling shoes. I do not own anything I can wear with bowling shoes.
A little jab for ya, laughs The Voice at me.
Shut-up, I am going shopping for new clothes tomorrow, I retort. And I am smug.
I woke up to an un-extraordinary day and it continued until I was on the bus, heading closer but not quite to home, yet.
And I have officially lost my keys. They are not in my bag.
I locked my door on the way out today. They are so not lost in my house.
The Voice says Haha! They are gone for good!
I can break into my house.
I cannot break into my CD cabinet. I like it. I would wreck it. It is always locked to keep the doors closed. The key for my CD cabinet is on my ring. Gone forever.
I know! Haha! says The Voice.
Matchbox Twenty is sitting on my computer desk, I tell The Voice. I can deal.
I am not careful about how wide my shit-eating grin is.
Tickle, tickle, I poke.
It has been quiet so far tonight.
Aw. Someone had to take a breather.
Haha, I say. Hahaha.
I can HEAR you, says The Voice, exasperated.
And I hear you smiling, I return, affectionately.
So, without a doubt, when Jean asked yesterday if I would like to go with her to the most fabulous store in the world, I agreed. Even if I had to bring the two kids in tow.
Jean is a shopaholic. Jean gets everything she wants. Jean knows where the deals are. Jean is patient. Jean has a sixth sense.
And I love Wal-Mart. I match her wits there.
My son also needed a new pair of running shoes, his last suddenly passed worn. I had been forcing him to wear sandals for a week.
Wal-Mart is great for shoes.
And these do not have to be great shoes, to boot. School starts back up in a month.
But Someone smiles on me, because there is a SHOE SALE!!
And I get to thinking, my daughter needs a new pair of cute sneakers, too. She is a girl, afterall. I tell the kids to have a look around. Mostly so I can, too.
Even though I am not buying myself any shoes today.
I see the most darling shoes cheap, cheap, cheap, almost right away. I grin at my will-power to walk away.
I meet up with my daughter in an aisle over. We point at the same shoes at the same time and giggle. She picks them up.
But my son? That boy can be no fun. He smiles cute as he tries on every single pair of shoes in the store, do not get me wrong. But the longer we stay in the area of this SHOE SALE, I cannot get those cute little brown shoes three rows over out of my head.
I decide to appease my guilt for not buying them by going to look at them again.
"Try on a few more pairs, buddy," I say to my son.
"I will help him," says my daughter.
"Fantastic."
I cannot resist picking up the shoes this time. They are really cute.
Do not buy these shoes, Beth, says The Voice.
O.K., I won't.
Put them down.
They sure feel nice.
Do not!!
I put on a shoe.
Hmmm.
Do not buy the shoes, Beth, says The Voice.
I bought the shoes.
We are 50 feet away from Wal-Mart. And I am on the ground. No warning. I was Tripped. And one cannot sue The Voice. The Voice thinks it is funny. In the Grand Scheme Of Things, The Voice is right.
I sprained my ankle.
It is late last night when I take a bath. I need one. Spraining an ankle is hard work.
I come out and see my new pair of offending shoes.
They are still so cute!
I am naked and I put them on. Squeezing a swollen foot in, anyway. It will make me feel better to get on with life.
I grab a carton of orange juice out of the fridge and drink from it, bringing it over to my computer desk. I sit down.
I admire my new shoes. I really like them. And I have never sprained an ankle before. A totally new experience. This has not been that bad of a day. I have to pee. I prance down the hallway in my new shoes.
I guess The Voice thought I was making fun of him, turning his joke into one I could laugh at.
Which is probably why when I opened the bathroom door, it caught as I stepped forward and I received a bloody nose.
So, I decided to put on a T-shirt.
But the shoes stayed.
Even when I noticed quite suddenly, the shoes looked a little bit like bowling shoes. I do not own anything I can wear with bowling shoes.
A little jab for ya, laughs The Voice at me.
Shut-up, I am going shopping for new clothes tomorrow, I retort. And I am smug.
I woke up to an un-extraordinary day and it continued until I was on the bus, heading closer but not quite to home, yet.
And I have officially lost my keys. They are not in my bag.
I locked my door on the way out today. They are so not lost in my house.
The Voice says Haha! They are gone for good!
I can break into my house.
I cannot break into my CD cabinet. I like it. I would wreck it. It is always locked to keep the doors closed. The key for my CD cabinet is on my ring. Gone forever.
I know! Haha! says The Voice.
Matchbox Twenty is sitting on my computer desk, I tell The Voice. I can deal.
I am not careful about how wide my shit-eating grin is.
Tickle, tickle, I poke.
It has been quiet so far tonight.
Aw. Someone had to take a breather.
Haha, I say. Hahaha.
I can HEAR you, says The Voice, exasperated.
And I hear you smiling, I return, affectionately.
Comments
Enjoy those shoes!
:)