I came home tonight, later then when I usually do. It was dark.
I floundered around my house for a bit, doing mindless things. Mindless things can be a lot of work.
It is 1:00 a.m. So, of course, I decide I deserve a bath.
It is a pretty good thing I took that bath. My horror could have sent me over the edge had I not.
I open my bedroom door.
Flying Things. Everywhere.
And oh my god.
One of those dark black Things. Those big Things. Those evil Things.
It was The Drunk Thing. The Drunk Thing made me once...
...sit on the porch with my daughter, 8 months old, at midnight for an hour...
I lost my keys a few days ago. I had to break-in to my house. It could have never been done without my daughter. She has been my hero for days.
The screen came off my bedroom window for this break-in. I have not got around to putting it back on.
The first night, I slept with my window closed. The second night, I opted for the couch.
The third night, it was 3:30 a.m. and I was all not scared of the world and tired.
I opened that bedroom window and breathed in the air.
And I fell asleep.
But now I am now standing in a green bath towel, staring at my bedroom window, wide-open.
That I left wide-open.
And Flying Things.
But Someone has done a stupider thing.
There would not be so many Flying Things if Someone had not left the bedroom light on.
Surely that Someone was not me.
You are an idiot, says The Voice.
Fucker, I am going to prove you wrong, I reply.
I feel bad.
I am sorry I called you Fucker, I say.
I then squint my eyes and assess the situation on hand.
Ducking quickly, with heart pounding terror, as The Drunk Thing flew towards me.
You ain't one uppin' me again Bitch, I say to The Drunk Thing.
And I do not feel bad.
Because I have a plan.
Yeah, I say to The Voice. I got a plan already.
I turn off the light as I walk back out my door, closing it.
I have an hour to kill.
An hour later, I open my bedroom door and quickly turn on the light.
There are about five Flying Things left. With no light, they took off to find it.
The Drunk Thing is gone.
Not too bad for my first Flying Things Infested Room, I say to The Voice. If you would allow me the time of one more hour, the rest shall be gone. Un-harmed.
I shall allow it, The Voice says.
I close my bedroom window. I turn off my light. I leave my door open.
And turn on the light by my front door. No others.
I am so confident an hour later, I brush my teeth. I walk into my bedroom and grandly, turn on the light.
There was one bobbling Stupid Fly left. He reminded me of The Drunk Thing. Only smaller. And stupider. I do not like Stupid Fly. Flies are usually smart.
HaHa, says The Voice.
Oh, you are going to tell me Stupid Fly made good conversation? I ask.
I watch as Stupid Fly bobbles out of my bedroom. I close my door.
The Voice sighs.
Oh, shush. I say as I turn off my light. Talking to flies is beneath you. Haven't you got someone else to do that?
Aren't you tired yet? asks The Voice.
I floundered around my house for a bit, doing mindless things. Mindless things can be a lot of work.
It is 1:00 a.m. So, of course, I decide I deserve a bath.
It is a pretty good thing I took that bath. My horror could have sent me over the edge had I not.
I open my bedroom door.
Flying Things. Everywhere.
And oh my god.
One of those dark black Things. Those big Things. Those evil Things.
It was The Drunk Thing. The Drunk Thing made me once...
...sit on the porch with my daughter, 8 months old, at midnight for an hour...
I lost my keys a few days ago. I had to break-in to my house. It could have never been done without my daughter. She has been my hero for days.
The screen came off my bedroom window for this break-in. I have not got around to putting it back on.
The first night, I slept with my window closed. The second night, I opted for the couch.
The third night, it was 3:30 a.m. and I was all not scared of the world and tired.
I opened that bedroom window and breathed in the air.
And I fell asleep.
But now I am now standing in a green bath towel, staring at my bedroom window, wide-open.
That I left wide-open.
And Flying Things.
But Someone has done a stupider thing.
There would not be so many Flying Things if Someone had not left the bedroom light on.
Surely that Someone was not me.
You are an idiot, says The Voice.
Fucker, I am going to prove you wrong, I reply.
I feel bad.
I am sorry I called you Fucker, I say.
I then squint my eyes and assess the situation on hand.
Ducking quickly, with heart pounding terror, as The Drunk Thing flew towards me.
You ain't one uppin' me again Bitch, I say to The Drunk Thing.
And I do not feel bad.
Because I have a plan.
Yeah, I say to The Voice. I got a plan already.
I turn off the light as I walk back out my door, closing it.
I have an hour to kill.
An hour later, I open my bedroom door and quickly turn on the light.
There are about five Flying Things left. With no light, they took off to find it.
The Drunk Thing is gone.
Not too bad for my first Flying Things Infested Room, I say to The Voice. If you would allow me the time of one more hour, the rest shall be gone. Un-harmed.
I shall allow it, The Voice says.
I close my bedroom window. I turn off my light. I leave my door open.
And turn on the light by my front door. No others.
I am so confident an hour later, I brush my teeth. I walk into my bedroom and grandly, turn on the light.
There was one bobbling Stupid Fly left. He reminded me of The Drunk Thing. Only smaller. And stupider. I do not like Stupid Fly. Flies are usually smart.
HaHa, says The Voice.
Oh, you are going to tell me Stupid Fly made good conversation? I ask.
I watch as Stupid Fly bobbles out of my bedroom. I close my door.
The Voice sighs.
Oh, shush. I say as I turn off my light. Talking to flies is beneath you. Haven't you got someone else to do that?
Aren't you tired yet? asks The Voice.
Comments
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Blogger will achieve Supreme when the add spell checker to comments, too.
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