1. If you are rolling your eyes again at me, fantastic!
2. If you are my friend, I love you.
3. If you have something better to do, you already know I do not want you here.
4. If you aren't taking the hint, I am happy to tell you to screw off.
5. If you cannot breathe, I hope it is only for a minute and something wonderful has happened.
6. If you do not want it anymore, you might have upped it's worth.
7. If you are Phoebe, thank you.
8. If you have to walk up a stairwell alone, do it with some sex-appeal.
9. If you do not learn to be selfish, you will never be good at giving.
10. If you are hurt by someone, but not brave enough to speak up, get over it.
11. If you spilt it, clean it up.
12. If you think you can do better, is there someone else who thinks you are the best?
13. If you have a dog, I bet he would like a surprise walk or car ride right now.
14. If you have a $1.55, you better buy me a coffee before you walk through my door.
15. If you are in my Favorites List, I visit you at least twice a day.
16. If you are Julia, you would be surprised what I learn from every five minute conversation I have with you.
17. If you are the only one laughing, just pretend everyone else is stupid.
18. If you have hairy legs, sigh, you are not the only one.
19. If you ask, do not get mad at what you hear.
20. If you are never satisfied, you are not trustworthy.
21. If you are always satisfied, you are not trustworthy.
22. If you finally remembered to buy dish soap, but forgot laundry soap, welcome to my world.
23. If you have not been there, go there.
24. If you qualify and you are surprised, it is a scam.
25. If you turn a blind eye, who might not see?
26. If you lie to yourself, you lie to everyone.
27. If you spot someone else writing on the bus, share.
28. If you do three things a day for yourself, you will smile more.
29. If you think you do not have the time, you are wrong.
30. If you are driving down the road, go ahead and pick your nose. Just use a Kleenex.
31. If you do not remember someone's name, remember something else.
32. If you feel fat, do not wear it.
33. If you want to know where the bargain is, ask Jean or June.
34. If you are hung-over, try Kraft Dinner for breakfast.
35. If you are stuck, figure out what kind of glue was used.
36. If you could not be there, do not forget you should have been.
37. If you are Donna, the red and yellow lollipops were the best part of my 7th birthday.
38. If you feel like it, take the day off tomorrow. I dare you.
39. If you do, I hope you will tell me about it.
40. If you cannot take the day off, get up and watch the sunrise.
41. If you praise no one, you are not letting them know their strengths.
42. If you want to feel loved, remember your favorite kiss.
43. If you live in the moment, you might not be prepared.
44. If you plan your whole future, you might end up awfully bored.
45. If you want my body and you think I'm sexy...lalalalala...
46. If you tip your hat, people will think you are a gentleman.
47. If you are expecting a baby, congratulations.
48. If you like math, I could use the help.
49. If you are ashamed, make sure you should be.
50. If you want something, allow for some anticipation.
51. If you are disappointed, you may have allowed too much anticipation.
52. If you want something from the kitchen, go grab it.
53. If you don't take the chance, you may never get the opportunity again.
54. If you do not take a second chance, then you are the fool.
55. If you have never sneezed in your entire life, I wish I knew you.
56. If you love someone, remind them.
57. If you ain't got pictures, you ain't got proof.
58. If you fill in every blank, it leaves little to mystery.
59. If you are Mr. Sparks, thank you for letting me hate you for my whole Eighth Grade year.
60. If you give-up, sometimes it is the best solution.
61. If you do not start soon, you may never.
62. If you want to, sleep-in Saturday.
63. If you are annoyed with someone, stop to think before you make them annoyed with you.
64. If you have thought of something better to do since you began reading this, I hope you are still not here.
65. If you get shampoo in your eyes, it hurts.
66. If you think David Spade is kind of cute, me too.
67. If you have a favorite article of clothing, wear it tomorrow.
68. If you can believe it, Blogger lost half of this post and I am re-writing. Again. Damn If You lists...
69. If you have been listening to a lot of Kenny Loggins lately, thank you for the email. If Blogger was not so messed, I would already be writing you back.
70. If you want your cake, make sure you have earned the right to eat it.
71. If you are proud of yourself, look someone in the eyes for a minute and tell them.
72. If you want to go to McDonalds without your children, this is an acceptable form of revenge.
73. If you are missing someone, think about who might be missing you.
74. If you think about it, you might have a few phone calls to make.
75. If you do not have one, do you really need it?
76. If you are Aunt Sue, I remember Dixie Cups. And shot glasses of Pepsi.
77. If you want a new perspective on yourself, carry a camera all day tomorrow. Take pictures of what captures your eye.
78. If you cannot see them, it does not mean they are not there.
79. If you know all the parts, you can figure out the whole.
80. If you think The Adventures of Ford Fairlane deserved an Academy Award, at least we can both be wrong together.
81. If you are not honest with someone, which of you are you hurting more?
82. If you are sweating, I hope it is not because it was hot today.
83. If you type 'If you' in a search engine, you get things like...
84. ...If you like paper...
85. ...If you are biorythmically compatible with celebrities...
86. ...If you vote liberal, I will strip...(wtf)
87. ...If you do screw
the baby sitter, you may benefit from our other book ‘Making Marriages Work' ...
88. ...If you drop your food on a floor that does
contain microorganisms, the food can be contaminated in 5 seconds or less. ...
89. ... If you are not a legal adult...
90. ...If you are male, nature gave you a severe problem...
91. If you demand something, make sure it is not always just for yourself.
92. If no one is complaining, why start?
93. If you are Inanna, your words have made me think the most this past week.
94. If you forgive, you do not have to forget. But make sure the other person thinks you have.
95. If you wish upon a star, make that wish for someone else tonight.
96. If you know the words, say them.
97. If you do not, take a minute to find them.
98. If you still cannot, let your eyes talk for you.
99. If you do not know, do you want to?
100. If you cannot remember the best part of your day, take time to remember now. Mine was my favorite busker winking at me downtown before he started to play TWO Neil Diamond songs. Woo Hoo.
101. If you have something to say, it does not have to be to me.
2. If you are my friend, I love you.
3. If you have something better to do, you already know I do not want you here.
4. If you aren't taking the hint, I am happy to tell you to screw off.
5. If you cannot breathe, I hope it is only for a minute and something wonderful has happened.
6. If you do not want it anymore, you might have upped it's worth.
7. If you are Phoebe, thank you.
8. If you have to walk up a stairwell alone, do it with some sex-appeal.
9. If you do not learn to be selfish, you will never be good at giving.
10. If you are hurt by someone, but not brave enough to speak up, get over it.
11. If you spilt it, clean it up.
12. If you think you can do better, is there someone else who thinks you are the best?
13. If you have a dog, I bet he would like a surprise walk or car ride right now.
14. If you have a $1.55, you better buy me a coffee before you walk through my door.
15. If you are in my Favorites List, I visit you at least twice a day.
16. If you are Julia, you would be surprised what I learn from every five minute conversation I have with you.
17. If you are the only one laughing, just pretend everyone else is stupid.
18. If you have hairy legs, sigh, you are not the only one.
19. If you ask, do not get mad at what you hear.
20. If you are never satisfied, you are not trustworthy.
21. If you are always satisfied, you are not trustworthy.
22. If you finally remembered to buy dish soap, but forgot laundry soap, welcome to my world.
23. If you have not been there, go there.
24. If you qualify and you are surprised, it is a scam.
25. If you turn a blind eye, who might not see?
26. If you lie to yourself, you lie to everyone.
27. If you spot someone else writing on the bus, share.
28. If you do three things a day for yourself, you will smile more.
29. If you think you do not have the time, you are wrong.
30. If you are driving down the road, go ahead and pick your nose. Just use a Kleenex.
31. If you do not remember someone's name, remember something else.
32. If you feel fat, do not wear it.
33. If you want to know where the bargain is, ask Jean or June.
34. If you are hung-over, try Kraft Dinner for breakfast.
35. If you are stuck, figure out what kind of glue was used.
36. If you could not be there, do not forget you should have been.
37. If you are Donna, the red and yellow lollipops were the best part of my 7th birthday.
38. If you feel like it, take the day off tomorrow. I dare you.
39. If you do, I hope you will tell me about it.
40. If you cannot take the day off, get up and watch the sunrise.
41. If you praise no one, you are not letting them know their strengths.
42. If you want to feel loved, remember your favorite kiss.
43. If you live in the moment, you might not be prepared.
44. If you plan your whole future, you might end up awfully bored.
45. If you want my body and you think I'm sexy...lalalalala...
46. If you tip your hat, people will think you are a gentleman.
47. If you are expecting a baby, congratulations.
48. If you like math, I could use the help.
49. If you are ashamed, make sure you should be.
50. If you want something, allow for some anticipation.
51. If you are disappointed, you may have allowed too much anticipation.
52. If you want something from the kitchen, go grab it.
53. If you don't take the chance, you may never get the opportunity again.
54. If you do not take a second chance, then you are the fool.
55. If you have never sneezed in your entire life, I wish I knew you.
56. If you love someone, remind them.
57. If you ain't got pictures, you ain't got proof.
58. If you fill in every blank, it leaves little to mystery.
59. If you are Mr. Sparks, thank you for letting me hate you for my whole Eighth Grade year.
60. If you give-up, sometimes it is the best solution.
61. If you do not start soon, you may never.
62. If you want to, sleep-in Saturday.
63. If you are annoyed with someone, stop to think before you make them annoyed with you.
64. If you have thought of something better to do since you began reading this, I hope you are still not here.
65. If you get shampoo in your eyes, it hurts.
66. If you think David Spade is kind of cute, me too.
67. If you have a favorite article of clothing, wear it tomorrow.
68. If you can believe it, Blogger lost half of this post and I am re-writing. Again. Damn If You lists...
69. If you have been listening to a lot of Kenny Loggins lately, thank you for the email. If Blogger was not so messed, I would already be writing you back.
70. If you want your cake, make sure you have earned the right to eat it.
71. If you are proud of yourself, look someone in the eyes for a minute and tell them.
72. If you want to go to McDonalds without your children, this is an acceptable form of revenge.
73. If you are missing someone, think about who might be missing you.
74. If you think about it, you might have a few phone calls to make.
75. If you do not have one, do you really need it?
76. If you are Aunt Sue, I remember Dixie Cups. And shot glasses of Pepsi.
77. If you want a new perspective on yourself, carry a camera all day tomorrow. Take pictures of what captures your eye.
78. If you cannot see them, it does not mean they are not there.
79. If you know all the parts, you can figure out the whole.
80. If you think The Adventures of Ford Fairlane deserved an Academy Award, at least we can both be wrong together.
81. If you are not honest with someone, which of you are you hurting more?
82. If you are sweating, I hope it is not because it was hot today.
83. If you type 'If you' in a search engine, you get things like...
84. ...If you like paper...
85. ...If you are biorythmically compatible with celebrities...
86. ...If you vote liberal, I will strip...(wtf)
87. ...If you do screw
the baby sitter, you may benefit from our other book ‘Making Marriages Work' ...
88. ...If you drop your food on a floor that does
contain microorganisms, the food can be contaminated in 5 seconds or less. ...
89. ... If you are not a legal adult...
90. ...If you are male, nature gave you a severe problem...
91. If you demand something, make sure it is not always just for yourself.
92. If no one is complaining, why start?
93. If you are Inanna, your words have made me think the most this past week.
94. If you forgive, you do not have to forget. But make sure the other person thinks you have.
95. If you wish upon a star, make that wish for someone else tonight.
96. If you know the words, say them.
97. If you do not, take a minute to find them.
98. If you still cannot, let your eyes talk for you.
99. If you do not know, do you want to?
100. If you cannot remember the best part of your day, take time to remember now. Mine was my favorite busker winking at me downtown before he started to play TWO Neil Diamond songs. Woo Hoo.
101. If you have something to say, it does not have to be to me.
Comments
;)
*lol*
:) :) :)
Thank you for coming back.
All of you.
Q
If you could have seen me read line 7, you would have had to smile, too (delighted surprise, accompanied by wiggling in one's chair, is often a comic sight). Thanks.
If YOU take the day off tomorrow, I hope you'll tell us about it (it's sure to be great reading).