1. He has bad breath.
2. His hair is uncombed.
3. He is married.
4. He is unemployed.
5. He chews with his mouth open.
6. He talks about his "friend" Molly way too much.
7. He shoves his tongue all the way down your throat on the first date.
8. He slobbers, too.
9. His Mother drives you on all your dates.
10. He USED to go to AA.
11. Your first date is to his church.
12. He is scared of commitment.
13. He is scared of spiders.
14. He is scared of kittens.
15. He loses his wallet a lot.
16. His idea of dinner and a movie is popcorn and a porn.
17. He does not share the popcorn.
18. He spends his Friday nights at Bingo with Mom and Dad.
19. His idea of daring is you getting to be on top.
20. You saw him picking his nose and wiping it on his couch when you were coming out of his bathroom.
21. Where there really was napkins for toilet paper.
22. And you think you might have seen a not-so-hidden camera.
23. You have to be home everynight at 11 for the next three hours of Sports News.
24. He tries to sleep with your best friend.
25. And your mother.
26. Saying "Grandma too" is not a very classy attempt at a humor.
27. His living room curtains are Jack Daniels flags.
28. His funniest joke is "Pull My Finger".
29. He tells the joke everytime he has to fart.
30. He has more hair than the members of ZZ Top.
31. He lets Rover "watch".
32. Then asks you politely if you would mind sleeping on the couch, you are in Rover's spot.
33. He is a Postal Worker.
34. He collects Beanie Babies.
35. He goes to a Divorce Support Group every Tuesday from 7-8 in the evening. He has to go early though. He is the coffee maker.
36. He has a gift basket of sex toys on his bedside table the first night you stay over.
37. He cries during The Fast and the Furious when Paul Walker's car gets blown up.
38. He cries during Dirty Dancing when Patrick Swayze said to Jerry Orbach, "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."
39. He is a coupon clipper.
40. He has a TV remote caddy and a beer fridge for an end table.
41. There are issues of Playboy magazine in every room of his house.
42. He watches Star Trek. (Come on...Be honest..No woman wants a man who watches that)
43. His best friend gropes you everytime he leaves the room, insisting his buddy shares.
44. He lives in a trailer.
45. He has yellow sweat stains under the arms of all his shirts.
46. His kids call him Grandpa.
47. He wears mascara. It brings out his eyes.
48. His mother wants to talk to you about you and her son's sex life.
49. He likes to show off the scar from the beer bottle that once got smashed over his head.
50. He is mean to children.
51. He kills cats.
52. He eats them.
53. He thinks bowling shirts are the height of fashion.
54. He is always itchy.
55. His mode of transportation is the bus.
56. His candle-lit dinner for two is KD and hot dogs.
57. He let his Mom and Aunt Doris decorate his house.
58. He might have got really loaded tonight, but did he really have to run to the bathroom to puke after sex?
59. He thinks it is okay to clip his toenails in front of you.
60. He once asked your sister to marry him.
61. He is in the Witness Protection Program.
62. For ratting out Mexican Drug Lords.
63. They have hired an expert hitman.
64. His wife has hired a hitman, too. But she only had $5000.
65. He sports a mullet(a tribute to my friend, Charles).
66. He wears a lot of pastels.
67. He buys you a tandem bike on your third date.
68. He wears dentures.
69. And diapers.
70. He leaves the toilet seat up at YOUR house.
71. He owns a pair of knitting needles.
72. And has really nice hand-made blankets on his bed.
73. You get a really nice blanket for Christmas.
74. His imaginary friend hates you.
75. His imaginary friend hides your underwear everytime they come over.
76. He pimps hoes.
77. His friends make loud gulping sounds and laugh everytime they see you.
78. He keeps a "diary".
79. He looks like Al Bundy.
80. He looks like Tom Cruise.
81. When you cry during sad movies he jumps up and barks "CRYING IS FOR SISSIES! DROP AND GIVE ME 20!"
82. He is proud he was on the Jerry Springer Show.
83. Worse-he is proud he was Oprah.
84. It was a Dr. Phill episode back in 1995.
85. He eats all your food when he comes over.
86. Because he has the "munchies".
87. Actually, he's never not-over.
88. Come to think of it, his friends appear to not have homes either.
89. He has no teeth.
90. He has green teeth.
91. He thinks it is occasionally fun to pull out teeth for the "pleasure factor".
92. After the first time you have sex, he says, "I have always liked the name Rachel for a girl."
93. He hopes "she" has your button nose.
94. He wears couduroys and penny loafers.
95. And a pocket protector.
96. He follows the Backstreet Boys from town to town.
97. He has been charged with stalking.
98. Twice.
99. He cries after sex.
100. He is 12.
101. He says his job is blogging.
2. His hair is uncombed.
3. He is married.
4. He is unemployed.
5. He chews with his mouth open.
6. He talks about his "friend" Molly way too much.
7. He shoves his tongue all the way down your throat on the first date.
8. He slobbers, too.
9. His Mother drives you on all your dates.
10. He USED to go to AA.
11. Your first date is to his church.
12. He is scared of commitment.
13. He is scared of spiders.
14. He is scared of kittens.
15. He loses his wallet a lot.
16. His idea of dinner and a movie is popcorn and a porn.
17. He does not share the popcorn.
18. He spends his Friday nights at Bingo with Mom and Dad.
19. His idea of daring is you getting to be on top.
20. You saw him picking his nose and wiping it on his couch when you were coming out of his bathroom.
21. Where there really was napkins for toilet paper.
22. And you think you might have seen a not-so-hidden camera.
23. You have to be home everynight at 11 for the next three hours of Sports News.
24. He tries to sleep with your best friend.
25. And your mother.
26. Saying "Grandma too" is not a very classy attempt at a humor.
27. His living room curtains are Jack Daniels flags.
28. His funniest joke is "Pull My Finger".
29. He tells the joke everytime he has to fart.
30. He has more hair than the members of ZZ Top.
31. He lets Rover "watch".
32. Then asks you politely if you would mind sleeping on the couch, you are in Rover's spot.
33. He is a Postal Worker.
34. He collects Beanie Babies.
35. He goes to a Divorce Support Group every Tuesday from 7-8 in the evening. He has to go early though. He is the coffee maker.
36. He has a gift basket of sex toys on his bedside table the first night you stay over.
37. He cries during The Fast and the Furious when Paul Walker's car gets blown up.
38. He cries during Dirty Dancing when Patrick Swayze said to Jerry Orbach, "Nobody puts Baby in the corner."
39. He is a coupon clipper.
40. He has a TV remote caddy and a beer fridge for an end table.
41. There are issues of Playboy magazine in every room of his house.
42. He watches Star Trek. (Come on...Be honest..No woman wants a man who watches that)
43. His best friend gropes you everytime he leaves the room, insisting his buddy shares.
44. He lives in a trailer.
45. He has yellow sweat stains under the arms of all his shirts.
46. His kids call him Grandpa.
47. He wears mascara. It brings out his eyes.
48. His mother wants to talk to you about you and her son's sex life.
49. He likes to show off the scar from the beer bottle that once got smashed over his head.
50. He is mean to children.
51. He kills cats.
52. He eats them.
53. He thinks bowling shirts are the height of fashion.
54. He is always itchy.
55. His mode of transportation is the bus.
56. His candle-lit dinner for two is KD and hot dogs.
57. He let his Mom and Aunt Doris decorate his house.
58. He might have got really loaded tonight, but did he really have to run to the bathroom to puke after sex?
59. He thinks it is okay to clip his toenails in front of you.
60. He once asked your sister to marry him.
61. He is in the Witness Protection Program.
62. For ratting out Mexican Drug Lords.
63. They have hired an expert hitman.
64. His wife has hired a hitman, too. But she only had $5000.
65. He sports a mullet(a tribute to my friend, Charles).
66. He wears a lot of pastels.
67. He buys you a tandem bike on your third date.
68. He wears dentures.
69. And diapers.
70. He leaves the toilet seat up at YOUR house.
71. He owns a pair of knitting needles.
72. And has really nice hand-made blankets on his bed.
73. You get a really nice blanket for Christmas.
74. His imaginary friend hates you.
75. His imaginary friend hides your underwear everytime they come over.
76. He pimps hoes.
77. His friends make loud gulping sounds and laugh everytime they see you.
78. He keeps a "diary".
79. He looks like Al Bundy.
80. He looks like Tom Cruise.
81. When you cry during sad movies he jumps up and barks "CRYING IS FOR SISSIES! DROP AND GIVE ME 20!"
82. He is proud he was on the Jerry Springer Show.
83. Worse-he is proud he was Oprah.
84. It was a Dr. Phill episode back in 1995.
85. He eats all your food when he comes over.
86. Because he has the "munchies".
87. Actually, he's never not-over.
88. Come to think of it, his friends appear to not have homes either.
89. He has no teeth.
90. He has green teeth.
91. He thinks it is occasionally fun to pull out teeth for the "pleasure factor".
92. After the first time you have sex, he says, "I have always liked the name Rachel for a girl."
93. He hopes "she" has your button nose.
94. He wears couduroys and penny loafers.
95. And a pocket protector.
96. He follows the Backstreet Boys from town to town.
97. He has been charged with stalking.
98. Twice.
99. He cries after sex.
100. He is 12.
101. He says his job is blogging.
Comments
DOH!!!!
Q
Q