Rolling My Eyes

She lay stretched on the couch, two pillows to prop up her feet, for three days. She never changed her clothes. Just wore her blue jeans and a pink t-shirt. Her bare feet and a pale face. She never seemed to move; except her mouth. "If you are hungry, make sandwiches for you and your sister." Tommy would ask her if she were sick and she would say things were fine. Everything is alright. But at night Tommy could not sleep because he heard her crying. "Goddamn you, Chet, Goddamn you..." The sunlight bursting through the leaves prevented Tommy from looking up. It was just as well, looking up only reminded him that he could not climb a tree. Instead, sitting on his shadowed hillside perch,straight in his line of vision, Tommy saw some of the other recess children who were with joined hands, holding up those who ran away from the blacktop with their arms. Tommy ran home from school. He did not walk with Mirko. He figured Sissy would likely be starving by now, just...

Besides being scared that he was losing his hair, Edward Julian Watson also feared other things. Small rodents, microwave ovens and typically, death. But most notably, Edward Julian Watson was scared of his wife. She called, one fine day, at a blissful 7:30 in the morning. Edward Julian Watson was waking up with Linda and the sex had been good the night before. But because he was waking up with Linda and it was not at his house, he did not hear his telephone ring or his answering machine come on. At 8:30 in the morning, Edward Julian Watson heard the message his wife had left him, while he was adjusting his tie, almost ready for his day. His wife was asking to meet him for lunch. When Carissa had walked away from their marriage, it had came as a terrible surprise to Edward Julian Watson. He believed his wife loved him. She said, "I never see you. You run your stupid shop and I bust my ass for school. You love TV and I love books." "Alright," he had rep...

Your brother came to see me last night. It is funny how the years can melt one into another blurred, uneven, so long, so close. He looked the same, save longer hair. Same easy smile. And Wendy was here. And Charlie was here. And Marty is always here. And your brother spoke of you. Wendy and I, our eyes locked. Duplicate worry. Duplicate pain. But he told us it was okay, she takes care of you well. And we prayed for it. Later on, I said to Wendy, "I think my heart stopped." And she said to me, "I think mine did, too." I went to bed and I cried for you. I felt I had to. Your brother said your spirits were high. But then I wiped my eyes and I rolled myself over to love. Something you reminded me was attainable, when I had the least belief in it. I would not be where I am now, if it were not for you. I have much to thank you for. And I will wish the best for you for Everyday.

Everyday I wake-up in the same house and I see the same faces, I see the same rooms, I see the same trees in my front yard. Everyday my shoes hit sidewalk and I travel to the same place and I see the same things. The same people. Hey there, Steve and Tracey. Hey there, Terri. Hey there, other Terri. Hi, Sara. Hi, Dakota. Hi, Austin. Hi, Tamera. Everyday I find reasons to go into the corner store. Everyday I find reasons to leave this place. Everyday for 1000 days. And now I am. I have made it happen. Tomorrow when I wake-up, it will not be like Everyday. Tomorrow when I wake-up, I will take down the curtains. I will unload my freezer. I will bag up the fish. I will box the cats. And then the movers will arrive. And not just to move me from one end of this city to the other, but to take me to a new city. I have lived here for all of my adult life. Over one third of my entire life. I chose this place. It is more hometown to me then where I grew-up. And now I am leaving it. I wa...

Tommy walked along the dark side of the apartment building. He knew he could get in through the back door, but going back up to the seventh floor again just scared the shit out of him. He had tried to rob the 7-11 three times for milk. But he just couldn't do it. Now instead, Tommy was on his way to the apartment building's dumpster. Tommy wanted to kick at the dirt and the broken beer bottle glass that littered the weeds under foot, but he did not. Tommy wanted to cry too, but he did not do that either. It was getting too late for him to be making sounds. He knew someone would likely hear him and then back to Yolanda's he would have to go. And the sounds of the night surrounding him were loud enough, anyway, with the televisions and their broken-up voices and the mixing of music coming from bedrooms. Loud were the whirl of the fans that made Tommy notice even more the dead air, that hung humid to his skin. The crickets were calling for rain, cars were chugging and sq...

Sissy was wearing her blue hat and mittens and her red rubber boots. She was going to the store with Momma and Tommy. "I want some gum." Tommy said to his mother. And Sissy wanted gum, too. The park was on the way to the store. When they were close, Momma said they could play there for a little bit. Sissy went up and down the slide and laughed. Tommy sat in a swing and kicked dirt. Momma smoked a cigarette, in the shade. Jackie was driving down the road and Sissy saw the red car first. Jackie pulled over and said, "Let's go for ice cream." The kids climbed into the back seat and Jackie put the top down. She turned to Sissy and said, "I like your red boots." "Yeah, Jackie," answered Sissy. At the ice cream parlor, Jackie held her up and read to her the kinds of cone she could have. "Chocolate..Vanilla..Tiger Stripe..Bubble Gum..P--" And Sissy remembered she wanted gum, too. Momma said okay, they would go over to Jackie's hous...

By eight o'clock Edward Julian Watson had slept off his plane ride and he had watched The Facts of Life . When 227 started, Edward Julian Watson decided he did not want to sit at home for the night. No, not at all , he thought. He drove his blue Datsun over to Maple Street and called on Becki. The negro woman, who owned the house, opened the door and said, "No visitors allowed upstairs after nine pee emm." She went upstairs herself to inform Becki of her visitor, raising her green skirts and leaving the door closed on Edward Julian Watson. "It is going to be hot tomorrow." Edward Julian Watson made small talk with Becki. But he was thinking of other things. Like about the lunch he was having with his mother the next day. And how much he did not want to go. And Becki was sitting on the porch next to him just sighing. "Edward...I tell you all the time I avoid weather reports, so I can wake-up each day surprised. Why do you insist on telling me t...

Everyday, at Dave and Barbara's house, Tommy woke-up to the sound of the alarm clock going off at 6:15. It was way earlier in the morning than Momma had ever made him get-up. Tommy would wonder why the birds seemed so happy, when all he wanted to do was bury his head back under the covers. Which he often did. And then Tommy would get up to go pee and then play with the trains or pick his nose or do any other variety of little boy things--even sometimes doing his homework from the day before, just to prolong going down the stairs. Everyday, after Tommy had wasted as much time as he possibly could, he would put on the school clothes, left out the night before by Barbara. And everyday when Tommy came downstairs, Barbara would tell him to take a bath. In her high, clipped voice and while casting a disapproving stare down at him, she would say, "Go take a bath, Tommy." And Tommy hated baths. In general, Tommy just hated bathrooms. Everyday trudging out of the kitchen anyway...

"Are we going to be spending the night there?" she asked Edward Julian Watson. She blurted this question, as if it had come out of nowhere. Putting his chin in his hand and shrugging his shoulders; all with such seriousness, he asked, "Do you want to?" "It's up to you, but you need to let me know." She looked away from his face. "Alright." "Alright what?" she asked, looking up towards him. "Alright we'll stay," Edward Julian Watson had decided. And Becki was suddenly nervous. The next day, she found the number for the highway hotel. She dailed that number and made the reservation. And Becki was calm. When the night and the day was almost done, they went to the hotel to check in. Becki smiled and said her name to the short, dark man bulging behind the desk. He looked at her oddly. He tapped his whole hand on the top of the reservation book, before he pointed a finger at her. "I know you." Becki...

One day, Edward Julian Watson had enough. He decided he was going to quit the television business. He decided this on the first day back from a five-day vacation in Jamaica. It had been his first vacation in eight years.Work all screwed up and Bob and his mother had called five times today asking him to come over once he was done with the store. Yes. He was quitting the television business and Edward Julian Watson was going into the travel business. He told this to his mother when she called for the sixth time. "I am going into the travel business," he said. "Oh, I see," she replied. "And the television business?" "I am quitting it." "Oh, I see," she said. "You are being stupid." "So, I'm not coming over tonight. I will see you for lunch tomorrow." Edward Julian Watson ended the conversation. He told Bob three days later. I am going into the travel business," he said. "And the televisio...

When Tommy woke-up he found himself staring up at the ceiling and then at the window, up too high. Not right. The sunlight coming in the room was leaving dusty rays on the window sill and in the air. What the fuck...? Tommy could not understand anything. He sat up fast, his bare feet hitting cold cement. He was suddenly alert; his eyes scanning. "Oh, fuck," he whispered. "Oh, fuck." White painted bars. Steel toliet. Bars. Bars. Bars. Fucking bars...Where the fuck are my shoes? "Oh, fuck," Tommy squeaked. He felt dizzy. He focused his eyes on his feet; stretched them across the steel. He noticed the bottom of his jeans were damp and itchy against his skin. "Don't puke, Tommy," he said outloud. Why the fuck am I here? Tommy called out, "Hello...?" But no one answered. On shaky feet, Tommy made his way to the bars. "Hello...Hello..." He looked down the hallway as far as he could, noticed he was in the last cell. No...

It's 3 a.m. Minnie was 14. She liked wearing bright red lipstick and getting high. She felt bad that she had not saved Tommy any of the pot he had bought earlier that day. But he did not ask her where any of it was, instead he just pulled her down to the floor beside him and filled his mouth with hers. She ran her fingers over his bare, smooth chest and felt his heart race beneath her fingertips. She did not resist, when he turned her around, as he undid the zipper of his jeans and lifted the red t-shirt she was wearing, so he could enter her from behind. He leaned, reaching forward, grabbing her breasts and squeezing hard,as he used them to push and pull his dick in and out of her. She could feel his teardrops falling on her back. When he was done, she gave him her KISS sweater, so he could keep himself warm, then she rolled the roaches that were left; mixed with tobacco from one of his cigarettes. She let him smoke the joint to himself. After, he told her he liked fucking ...

Dear Tommy, I do not know what to do. It is two o'clock in the morning and I am sitting up here in the hospital and I should be studying for my history test, if I am awake anyway, but I am bored of reading. Mom's at work tonight and everyone else is too tired to come up here and I did not want Grandma to be alone. It would have been the first time. Everyone says she is going to die. No one comes right out and says it to me though. Which is stupid. I am fourteen years old, (almost 15!) not four. I went to visit your grandma for a little bit tonight too. I hope you do not mind. I just know it is really hard for your family to make sure there is someone there for her all of the time. It is so weird that both our grandma's are here doing the same thing, at the same time. Sometimes I feel really bad because I think of all the times I just hated my Grandma. This one time, Mom had found some writing that I had done. I was in grade five. I kept it tucked into the book I ...

Outside the sky looks hazy. I notice my windows need cleaning. Sara runs around in her short skirt and pink shirt. She must be cold. My daughter wears her jeans, at least. The three boys ride their bike lazily, circle after circle in the driveway. The Bratz are everywhere. Even coming off of the stereo. And then they are off to Jamie-Lynn's, my daughter pops her head in the door and is gone again. The work is piled up on the desk. A deadline Wednesday. Two deadlines Thursday. One extension until Sunday. At the dreaded midnight. Kittens are everywhere. One stupid one always caught under the couch. And the house is so messy, I wish the city would find a reason to just bulldoze it. And Charlie is gone. A polite fuck you and the blocked door. For three days, I have secretly wanted to strangle any person who smiles, as I smile back at them, but I don't. Because smiling. That's what friends are for. I do my dishes first. Placing the glasses along the outerside of the dra...

The boys were playing Flamenco Sketches , in the background and she was looking up at me from underneath that red hat of hers. Her eyes were the same colour as the smoke coming off my cigarette. We were sitting near the back, at one of the tables and not in the office. She never wanted to go back in there. "I don't know what you want from me, Ellie," I shook my head at her. "More than this, Addley, more than this." Her gloved hand waved in the air, stopping on the boys. "My Daddy says I cannot come here anymore. He says niggers are good for nothing, except drinking and smoking their lives away...and that is all I see when i am here." "This is all I have ever wanted," I swept my hand around to show her what she had shown me. I stopped on the boys too and we both watched them play for a minute, before I spoke again. "You're a big girl now, Ellie. You're 18. You don't got to listen to your Daddy any more." "I thoug...

The sun was just starting to set and the world took on a hazy orange that he could see in the corners of his eyes. He turned off the radio. The silent air that did not come in, through the open windows of his car, made him wonder if the day's heat would linger on through the night, despite all the weather reports calling for rain. The highway was an almost empty one. He was figuring he was tired of hocking toothpicks and napkins and cheap ketchup packets. He was tired of explaining the refinement of salt and the brittleness of the plastic cutlery sold by the other guys. The thing he did most in his life was drive the highways; the endless highways. But he wanted to walk. He wanted to run. He wished he were Wade Boggs. Or at least Don Mattingly . But instead, he'd been up and down those damn roads so many times, in the past twenty-three years that his mind seldom thought of the road always in front of him. He left that work up to his eyes. Just like he had back when he had ...

Becki could not believe her eyes, to see Edward Julian Watson standing in front of her, when she looked up from keeping the books. Not ten minutes after meeting up with him. And that other woman. Julia. He rang the little silver bell, anyway. "May I help you?" she asked and the fact she did not want to was very apparent on her face. "What are you doing?" he asked. "I'm working." "No, what are you doing?" Her eyes went to the books, to conceal her further disbelief. "Quit asking stupid questions," she replied. "Fine," he stated, "How are you?" And she did not care about her eyes any longer. She looked at him and said, "Please, quit asking stupid questions." Edward Julian Watson told her fine again, as he turned to walk away. "You're acting stupid. Since we are still on for six tonight, I will see you later." Becki's mouth opened, but nothing came out, and Edward Julian W...

Minnie was 14. She liked wearing bright red lipstick and getting high. It was two o'clock in the morning and she was still up, even though it was a Wednesday night and there would be school in the morning. She had already decided she would not go. It was getting too hard to go. She could not stand the hateful stares and the constant whispers.She knows the teachers are offended by the sight of her. And keeping her head down had only gotten her tripped. And spit on by fucking Melissa Walker. Laying on her back in her bed, Minnie pounds the thin mattress with her fists. She is angry. She was angry most of all with Tommy because he had not shown-up that night. He had not met her at the arcade and so she has smoked the whole gram of pot to herself, in her basement bedroom. Even though he had paid for it. It was not like her mother noticed a damn thing anymore. Locked in the spare bedroom, with her over-the-counter sleeping pills. The ones she sent Minnie to get every other d...

Ace and I mostly busied ourselves by keeping our eyes to the ground and not saying a word to each other. While we let her fix the truck. But I was looking her, when she jumped down from the bumper. I watched her as she wiped her hands, leaving greased-stained fingerprints against her buttocks, and I watched her as she reached high, stretched on her toes, to slam down the hood of the truck. Behind us, the moon hung high and large and I could feel its frosty radiance on every part of me; the hair on my arms prickled up from the moon-time air. And she was cold, too. She was wrapping her arms around herself, when she turned around. I put my eyes back to the ground and I tried shuffling my feet in the dirt, and then, so did Ace. And when I looked up at him, he was looking at me and that bastard was already grinning. He knew how stupid the both of us looked. "Well, which one of you is gonna get back in there and see if this fucking thing runs now?" she demanded. And because Ace i...

for amber harper 3:36 pm Tommy practically ran all the way. And he practically ran fast the entire time, too. His blue shirt flapped loudly in the wind and his sneakers slapped louder yet on the sidewalks and the roads that led him home. And Tommy was excited; his smile was huge. He still wore his shiney face, when he ran through the front doors of his house. "Momma! Momma! I got 2 A's on my report card, Momma!" And at first, Tommy did not notice that there was not anyone home to notice him. But he caught on, after he took his shoes off, when he did not hear Momma answer him; even from her bedroom. He threw his report card; in its brown envelope, onto the mat, in front of the wood door. And then he punched the wall. His knuckles did not hurt, when Tommy put back on his shoes. Tommy's blue bike was leaning up against the yellow brick house. The rusty chain was hanging loose again, scraping at the driveway and when he bent to fix it, Tommy noticed the weeds g...

With his mouth, on her nipple, she could feel the sensations to all of her upper body. When her back arched up in reaction, this worked only to further her breast into Edward Julian Watson's mouth. And this sucked for Becki. It tickled far too much for her liking. But she would not complain. She had not told Edward Julian Watson she would prefer if he touched her pussy first. So Becki just pulled Edward Julian Watson's big head back up towards her mouth, and kissed him again. Becki turned out the lights, before Edward Julian Watson was even down the stairs. Then she went to her chest of drawers, opening the top one and slid her hand into the back and beneath her undergarments. And when she heard Edward Julian Watson's blue Datsun start up and pull away, she walked over to her window and she opened the it. And the night air was warmer than she had expected. She took a cigarette from the paper packaging and she lit it. She stared at the tops of the trees and the m...

A warm day, like it had been the last day and the last day and the last day before this day and it was warm day like how all last days have been and will be. These were the days when fans blasted out hot air, so you turned them off. These were the days when everything sagged and sighed; the trees, the buildings and the human lives. This was the the day that was to be the last day that my children would be living at home. My children informed me of their plans to run away, after lunch. "We are running away," they said to me. "Okay," I said, back to them. "After supper," they further said to me. "Okay," I completely agreed with them. "If you want to go, then go." And, "Yes," my children agreed, they would go. My children reminded me several times an hour of their plan. I nodded. And supper hour came and went. It was quarter to eight, when my daughter asked, "When are we having supper?" "No supper," I sai...