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A Porch Over

Church Lady is nutty. Church Lady lives next door to me. She has five teenagers, six cats and two big dogs.
A friend of mine met one of Church Lady's dogs recently. Of course, if he had not been sleeping in my backyard at eight o'clock in the morning, he might not have.

"I must talk to you!" Ian swore she said it, swore again she had her finger in the air.
Poor Ian. Hulk with the hairy back in his blue shorts, his eyes only open for an hour. I had made him answer the door.
And I guess he just stood there trying to focus on her broken English. I can see him trying to shake the dumb out of his head and it makes me giggle.
"There is a lady and something about church and kids and she has a weird nose," Ian pointed to the door, when he came to tell me, slightly scared.
"Of course, it is Saturday," I grinned at him, heading to the front door.

"Ahh, hello," Church Lady smiled her best smile at me.
"Hello," I said back, sitting down on my step and offering her a seat, too, with my hand.
"I am so very excited!" she exclaimed as she remained standing. Oh, she can open her arms wide well.
"I do believe you," I said, nodding.
"You are finally allowing your daughter to come to our church! She will have a good time. She will like it with us. Bless your heart."
And then Church Lady bent down surrounding my body with her thick arms attached to football shoulders and squeezed me hard.
And then kissed my forehead.
"Ah-we are all about our own choices in this house and I uh..I am gonna make one now...I am gonna go in and close the door now...so yeah, see you next Saturday." I said, pushing myself to standing.
"But do you not want to know who will be her Sunday School Teacher? Me! Is dat not lovely! I will teach your daughter about God!"
Great, I thought.
"Great," I said.
"I can teach you, too!"
"I am going in," I replied.

My daughter and I waited tonight, for her friend's mother to pick her up. She is spending a night out and that is why she will be going to church tomorrow.
And she was genuinely excited about it. She loves visiting different churches. And enjoys her healthy fear of God.
"I am glad she will be my Sunday School Teacher," she told me.
I briefly thought my child was nuts, but I asked why.
"She hands out candy fizzes. Sour ones. Aquaella told me so."
Great, I thought.
"Great," I said.
And then I sighed.
"She kissed me today," I said to my daughter.
She rolled her eyes.
"She kissed me, too," she replied.

Comments

Karri Bowman said…
I always love The Church Lady.
Sunday, 12 September 2004 at 04:02:00 GMT-4
Phoesable said…
I love those kind of candies, too. Church Lady sounds like an excellent Sunday School teacher. ;-)
Sunday, 12 September 2004 at 11:53:00 GMT-4
Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Monday, 13 September 2004 at 09:01:00 GMT-4
Anonymous said…
Hmmm...maybe Church Lady and C.E's Lawn Lady need to get together...
Monday, 13 September 2004 at 09:03:00 GMT-4
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