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Crumbs!

I once had A Toaster.  Silver and black, the kind from my childhood.  It had a sticker with different levels of orange on one of it's sides.  It only had one setting left.  Perfect.
Little golden pieces of heaven would pop out of that baby. 
But it got increasingly ugly.  I hid it away from people's stares.  It became annoying to pull it out and put it away all the time.
I stopped enjoying toast.
I bought a New Toaster and threw away my old one.  The new one was 40 years old, metal.  Vintage.  Cool.  Everyone said so.
The New Toaster hated me.
It made horrible toast. Only if I made it or it was meant for me.  Burnt along one whole side, half of it!  Perfect along the other side.
Every time.
But I missed toast, so I ate toast until I got sick of toast.  The New Toaster still looked cool. 
Until I was always washing it down and it was never used.  It was heavy.  It just sat there.
And I missed toast.
But not enough to eat toast from it.
So, I bought Another Toaster.  White.  Wider opening slots for bagels.  Pretty on my counter.
But it ended up being just Another Toaster that hated me.   Another Toaster producing yin and yang toast.  
And I could only eat a few slices of bad toast this time.
I wanted to weep bitterly, until I figured it out.
The Voice.  The Voice is doing this.  Talking to my appliances.
The Voice must be crazy.
Or is this what The Voice has been up to on breathers?
I am on to you, pal.

I am sitting here debating on whether or not to buy a Different Toaster.

Comments

The Writer said…
I have no toaster. I have jam! And peanut butter! Honey and homemade butter from my grandmother!! But no toaster. I throw it in the oven, set it to Broil, and pull out perfect toast every time. So now I use the jam, the peanut butter, the honey and the homemade butter on my oven-roasted-toast!
Friday, 23 July 2004 at 11:33:00 GMT-4
Nonya Bidness said…
disney sells a toaster for $80!!! can you believe that!! i hate them.
Friday, 23 July 2004 at 11:44:00 GMT-4
Phoesable said…
the only reliable toast I've ever gotten came out of our toaster oven which, lately -- I'm trying to ignore this -- issues a wispy stream of smoke long after it's off, which is probably an ominous sign of its general well-being, something I am in no way ready to come to terms with. love toast. LOVE TOAST.
Friday, 23 July 2004 at 12:10:00 GMT-4
AJ in Nashville said…
Tisk, tisk, tisk...You gotta stop messin' with The Voice Q. He'll getcha every time! :)

I too adore toast. And we have a good toaster. Only problem is, my wife actually *likes* her toast burnt. I prefer mine golden brown and tender in the corners, otherwise it's not edible in my eyes. The setting to get it my preferred way is a subtile adjustment that isn't always easy to hit on the first try, so I ususally end up sacrificing a piece of bread or two before I get a piece of toast that I can eat. If she'd only leave the damn settings where they were.

*sigh*

Oh, the trials and tribulations of my life...

How's the ankle? :)
Friday, 23 July 2004 at 13:55:00 GMT-4
Queenie said…
I suggest buying HER a New Toaster and hide yours. In the garage or something.
I got on with life. The ankle appreciates it. And soaking in water at night.

Q
Friday, 23 July 2004 at 14:27:00 GMT-4
Anonymous said…
I had an old toaster once. It belonged to my old grandmother, who used it likely twice in the 50 years she had it. It was pukey yellow. I lasted 6 1/2 years, until my son pulled it off the counter and it smashed on the floor. Now I have a new, $20 toaster. I am neutral about it. I haven't given much thought to my life of toasters...until now. Maybe I should Blog about my coffee makers...
Sunday, 25 July 2004 at 19:55:00 GMT-4
Queenie said…
I love coffee....kinda like Barney loves beer...

Q
Sunday, 25 July 2004 at 23:41:00 GMT-4
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